President Tweets Start of Military Operations in Libya from 10th Tee

Missiles Bomb Tripoli as President Bombs Tee Shot

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – President Barack Obama addressed the American people this morning via Twitter, informing them of the start of military operations to enforce the no-fly zone over Libya.

“my fellow amercns – tomhwks dropn on libya now. no fly zone in effect. AND i drove >250 off the tee! qdfy betta run n hide! lol,”  read the tweet, which was immediately retweeted by Secretary of Defense Robert Gates.

 

The tweet was sent from the President’s BlackBerry after rounding the turn following the front nine at Itanhangá Golf Club, widely considered Rio De Janeiro’s top golf course.  Meanwhile, First Lady Michelle Obama tweeted that she and daughters Malia and Sasha were being treated to shopping at the exclusive boutiques of the famed Rua Gonçalves Dias.

“stores here r crrrazy expnsv grl!” the First Lady tweeted, “m wants a baiana dress? uh uh. not in my lifetime.  that thing is fuggly!”

The First Family will be flown later via AirForce One to Brasilia, where they will be regaled with traditional Brazilian song and dance at a state dinner hosted by Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff at her official residence, the Palácio da Alvorada.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who was the only high-ranking official available for interviews, held a press conference to discuss the military action.

“It’s entirely the President’s prerogative to decide how and when to address the American people,” said Secretary Clinton, “Twitter is a critical means of communication in the 21^st century, and the President has determined that it was appropriate for this particular matter.”

“Obviously, if I were President, I wouldn’t have done it,” she added.  There was an awkward silence of several seconds before another question was fielded.

A reporter then asked why the military response in Libya was completely different compared to the lack of response during the Iranian uprising a year earlier.

“Look, in the case of Iran the President made every effort to provide support to the demonstrators.  He joined their fan page on Facebook, and he used all available back channels to post on President Ahmadinejad’s wall to scale back the brutal response of his security forces,” Secretary Clinton replied, indicating that President Obama has never “friended” President Ahmadinejad, despite vowing to do so without conditions during his 2008 campaign. 

“He even went so far as to text President Ahmadinejad directly,” Secretary Clinton continued, “It’s not the fault of this administration that President Ahmadinejad doesn’t reply to text messages.  Our intelligence does indicate that Iranian carriers don’t offer all-you-can text plans, which may have contributed to communications breaking down between our two countries.”

During Secretary Clinton’s press conference, a second tweet was sent from President Obama’s BlackBerry.

“jst birdied 10.  da prez is on fiyah!” the tweet read.

Toyota Rolls Out Limited Edition Obama Prius

Model Won't Be around After 2012, Analysts Say

DETROIT – At the 2011 Detroit Auto Show, Toyota surprised industry analysts with the early unveiling of its limited edition Obama 2012 Prius, named after the current President of the United States. 

“We’re very excited about this car,” said Jim Lentz, president of Toyota North America, “We realize it’s early in the release cycle, but we thought it was good timing considering the 2012 presidential election campaign is already underway.”

Toyota decided to develop the Obama Prius using surplus inventory from 2008, since there will be little to no improvements from the 2008 to 2012 versions.  Any indication of the manufacture date and country of origin will be sanded off the automobile, though a certificate of manufacturing will be provided to customers upon request.  Other highlights of the 2012 Obama Prius include:

·       An “Obama 2012” sticker expertly preinstalled on the rear bumper, right next to a “No Blood for Oil!” sticker for the more nostalgic customers.  The original “Obama/Biden 2012” sticker was scrapped after fears that it would be unappealing to the target market

·       Built in GPS with onscreen teleprompter

·       A disabled right-turn signal

·       Free set of TaylorMade golf clubs pre-packed in the trunk for frequent golf outings

·       Extra-large cigarette trays.

Also, in an effort by Toyota to turn recent negative PR around, the accelerator has been renamed “The ObamaCare Gas Pedal”, which will at times unpredictably accelerate, moving the car forward despite any attempts to apply the brakes.

“We also made sure that this model was assembled with a purely unionized workforce,” added Lentz, “In fact, I want to assure our consumers that we are making every effort to lose money on every single Obama 2012 Prius that we sell.”

Pre-orders are already pouring in from around the world, with the vast majority coming from Hollywood, CA. 

“This is totally a dream come true!” exclaimed famed actress and avid Obama supporter Scarlett Johansson in a phone interview, “and it’s also assuring to know that in purchasing this car I’m helping to stop the rise of the oceans and destruction of the rainforests.”  When asked to elaborate, the phone call was unexpectedly cut off.

The Obama 2012 Prius will initially be on sale exclusively to public union executives.  It will be offered in only one color combination – black exterior and white interior.