Thursday, March 24, 2011

President Tweets Start of Military Operations in Libya from 10th Tee

Missiles Bomb Tripoli as President Bombs Tee Shot

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – President Barack Obama addressed the American people this morning via Twitter, informing them of the start of military operations to enforce the no-fly zone over Libya.
“my fellow amercns – tomhwks dropn on libya now. no fly zone in effect. AND i drove >250 off the tee! qdfy betta run n hide! lol,”  read the tweet, which was immediately retweeted by Secretary of Defense Robert Gates.
The tweet was sent from the President’s BlackBerry after rounding the turn following the front nine at Itanhangá Golf Club, widely considered Rio De Janeiro’s top golf course.  Meanwhile, First Lady Michelle Obama tweeted that she and daughters Malia and Sasha were being treated to shopping at the exclusive boutiques of the famed Rua Gonçalves Dias.
“stores here r crrrazy expnsv grl!” the First Lady tweeted, “m wants a baiana dress? uh uh. not in my lifetime.  that thing is fuggly!”
The First Family will be flown later via AirForce One to Brasilia, where they will be regaled with traditional Brazilian song and dance at a state dinner hosted by Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff at her official residence, the Palácio da Alvorada.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who was the only high-ranking official available for interviews, held a press conference to discuss the military action.
“It’s entirely the President’s prerogative to decide how and when to address the American people,” said Secretary Clinton, “Twitter is a critical means of communication in the 21st century, and the President has determined that it was appropriate for this particular matter.”
“Obviously, if I were President, I wouldn’t have done it,” she added.  There was an awkward silence of several seconds before another question was fielded.
A reporter then asked why the military response in Libya was completely different compared to the lack of response during the Iranian uprising a year earlier.
“Look, in the case of Iran the President made every effort to provide support to the demonstrators.  He joined their fan page on Facebook, and he used all available back channels to post on President Ahmadinejad’s wall to scale back the brutal response of his security forces,” Secretary Clinton replied, indicating that President Obama has never “friended” President Ahmadinejad, despite vowing to do so without conditions during his 2008 campaign. 
“He even went so far as to text President Ahmadinejad directly,” Secretary Clinton continued, “It’s not the fault of this administration that President Ahmadinejad doesn’t reply to text messages.  Our intelligence does indicate that Iranian carriers don’t offer all-you-can text plans, which may have contributed to communications breaking down between our two countries.”
During Secretary Clinton’s press conference, a second tweet was sent from President Obama’s BlackBerry.
“jst birdied 10.  da prez is on fiyah!” the tweet read.

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